Word UP! What our words really mean.

When was the last time you did an audit on the language you use? And I don’t mean the explicit stuff… Coming from a sweary mess herself, I’m not one to judge profanities. I mean the words or phrases you use every day that carry harm without you meaning to, or maybe even realising.

I’ll give you an example:

A few of my friends still say ‘that’s a bit gay’ when meaning something is lame. Whenever I pull them up on this they always remind me they don’t mean anything discriminatory by it and that they aren’t in any way linking it to homosexuals. And I remind them that by using that term to mean lame, rubbish, useless, crap… They are further reinforcing the damaging miconception that being gay is a negative thing.

That may be a fairly obvious one but you see what I mean. Regardless of how well intentioned your sentiments are, words can mean a lot more to other people - particularly a marginalised group.

Have you noticed how people often refer to someone’s race, gender, sexual orientation, nationality or disability when it actually has no relevance to the story they’re telling or information they’re giving? We’ve all done it.

Now, you may be reading this thinking I’m being over the top but every time you feel the need to mention one of these characteristics as a defining factor of a person you are reinforcing the separation of people. You’re actually demonstrating inequality even if it’s in the most miniscule way. When it’s everyone doing it, every single day… It mounts up.

Here are some examples you will have no doubt heard or said yourself:

‘A spanish girl has just started at my work, in the finance department.’

Unless the next part of this story requires specific information about this person’s nationality and gender, there’s no need to mention it.

‘I had an Asian doctor today, he was really nice.’

Firstly, the ethnicity of your doctor is not important. Secondly, by following up with ‘he was really nice’ implies that it’s unexpected for an Asian person to be nice.

‘There was a gay wedding going on at the venue next door. It looked AMAZING!’

I’m not sure who needs to hear this but these are actually just called weddings.

‘I’m not sure about that colour, it’s a bit girly for me.’

Hey, guess what?! Colours are not gender specific! Neither are clothes, dance styles, films, music groups, fitness classes, hobbies… the list goes on.

‘Oh come on, man up!’

DON’T GET ME STARTED ON THIS ONE. This phrase is problematic on various levels but the key issues are: 1, This is usually referring to ‘toughening up’ implying that men should not be sensitive but only hard nuts that can handle any situation with unwavering resilience… AKA toxic masculinity. 2, Women aren’t tough and therefore to be able to deal with something you must assume the persona of a male.

‘Don’t be such a girl.’

See above.

‘There was a foreign couple sitting next to us…’

Even if you’re about to tell me how they chatted with you about how lovely their home town in Bulgaria is, you still shouldn’t refer to them as a foreign couple. How about ‘We sat next to a couple last night from Bulgaria who…’? Simple.

‘I got chatting to this Black guy on the way home…’

Self explanatory, surely? Perhaps you were talking to this person specifically about the racism they face in society but even so, identifying them by the colour of their skin (and gender) further establishes the narrative of separation between races.

The list goes on and on. And for the most part, in the instances I’m talking about here, people aren’t intending to be destructive or discriminatory with their words. So how do we change it?

Well firstly, do your own audit. Next time you go to describe someone within a story check what details actually need to be mentioned. Yes they may have been Brazilian but does their nationality have any relevance to what you’re saying? Do you need to mention the person was in a wheelchair? Or are you stuck inside a conditioning that sees these characteristics as more defining than someone’s actual character?

And secondly, be brave enough to pull other people up on it. A simple question of ‘why did you need to mention the colour of her skin?’ or ‘what exactly does a girl sound like?’ will suffice. It doesn’t have to be confrontational but a small challenge like this could really go a long way in making someone think about the words they use.

We’re not supposed to be perfect. We’ll eff up along the way for sure. But it’s important that we spend a little more time actively checking in with ourselves and others. There’s always room for improvement.

Sending you all kinds of good vibes!

Sara x