10 Tips To Be A Better Ally, To Someone Struggling With Their Mental Health
It’s well documented that the last year has been tough for everyone. People who had never before experienced issues with their mental health developed problems such as anxiety, depression, paranoia & agoraphobia. Those of us with existing conditions had their symptoms exacerbated.
Shockingly, there has been such a rise in emergency mental health situations that support teams have already attended more crisis call outs this year than in the whole of 2020.
Which is why it is so crucial that people are aware of ways to support someone going through one of these episodes.
What’s missing?
It’s so positive to see more and more people being open about this subject and so much information freely available about mild mental health conditions. But there are two key points that need further promotion:
There is still a lack of understanding & acceptance of more severe mental health conditions which can further isolate some of the most in need. People living with things like OCD, scizophrenia, bipolar or personality disorders remain the butt of many jokes, their suffering overlooked by society as something to make light of.
An increase in ill mental health means there is a rise in people supporting their loved ones at home. This can put a huge strain on someone if they are not equipped to deal with these new emotions and can often lead to problems in their own mood & quality of life.
There are pretty monstrous topics to get into so today I want to focus on the latter and offer some simple advice for those who are concerned about a friend, family member, colleague or neighbour.
REMEMBER: This is not an exhaustive list and is in no way a replacement for professional advice. If you are worried for someone’s safety or you know they need further assistance please use the links at the bottom to get help.
How to help
Below are some key things to keep in mind when you’re supporting someone with a mild-moderate mental health condition. Particularly, if you are living with someone who is going through a tough time, it’s important to keep in mind that you will also need your own support through this. All we ever want is for our loved ones to be happy & safe, unfortunately we cannot simply wave a magic wand and fix people but we can offer a loving space.
Sometimes listening is enough. You are hard-wired to try and find a solution to problems you face, but there is not always a solution to the feelings presented if someone is struggling. What is so important is that they feel heard & have a chance to release the tension building in their head by speaking it aloud. Give them time and let them get it out - don’t jump in with a quick fix or a positive quip. Simply ask what you can do to help. Sometimes you will have already done more than enough by letting them talk.
Don’t push it. If someone is feeling blue, moping around, displaying signs that something is up BUT they don’t want to talk about it… Don’t force it. Give them space, ask if there is anything you can do to make them feel more comfortable and wait for them to come to you. If they come to you at all.
Remember, you are not their therapist. Yes, you are there to love & care for this person but trying to diagnose & treat the issue could lead to more problems in the future. If they are in need of therapy or counselling then signpost them to the below services, then join them on this journey as and when they need.
Don’t take it personally. The likelihood is you may be snapped at more than normal, emotionally shut out or just not the person they turn to. This is not about you and you have to be careful not to take their behaviour personally. Even if something you’ve done has triggered them to react emotionally, it doesn’t mean you’re at fault.
Be kind. This one is so simple but often overlooked. Just be there, offer your help, reassure them it will get better and give them a cuddle. That might be all they need.
Don’t assume. Just because someone is feeling rubbish it doesn’t mean they want to stop doing activities. Invite them to things even if you think they might not be up to it - they will know their own boundaries. Sometimes joy is found in the most unusual places when we least expect it so we all need those opportunities to get outside of ourselves.
Do your research. If your pal tells you they have bipolar disorder or are experiencing obsessive thoughts, get yourself clued up on how that might be affecting them. Knowledge is power, and the more understanding you have about their issue, the more help you will be to them and their healing.
Know your limits. The only person who can truly fix this person in your life is themself. So whilst you can tick all the boxes of being the best, most supportive friend in the world… there’s a chance it won’t help and that can take its toll. As I mentioned before - you are not a therapist, perhaps it’s time to get some professional help.
Take care of yourself. You are no good to anyone if you get overwhelmed by the world’s problems and end up breaking down. Make sure you are taking the time to reflect on how you are feeling. Continue to see your friends & go about your life as you would normally - the last thing anybody wants is for you to stay at home and give up all the things that make you happy.
Involve other people when needed. There are plenty of services available that can be found here, don’t be afraid to reach out.
We’re only human and we’re all just muddling our way through life really. You’re not going to get everything perfectly and that’s okay.
As cliche as it sounds, sometimes people just need a shoulder to lean on.
Sending you healthy vibes & virtual high fives,
Sara x
MENTAL HEALTH HELPLINES & LINKS (taken from rethink.org)
Samaritans
Can be contacted by telephone, letter, e-mail and mini-com. There's also a face-to-face service, available at their local branches. They are open 24 hours a day, every day of the year.
Telephone: 116 123
Email: jo@samaritans.org
Website: www.samaritans.org
Sane Line
They work with anyone affected by mental illness, including families, friends and carers. Their helpline is open between 4:40pm and 10pm every day of the year. They also provide a free text-based support service called Textcare. And an online supportive forum community, where anyone can share their experiences of mental health issues.
Telephone: 0300 304 7000 (4:30pm – 10:30pm every evening)
Textcare: www.sane.org.uk/what_we_do/support/textcare
Support Forum: www.sane.org.uk/what_we_do/support/supportforum
Website: www.sane.org.uk
Support Line
Support Line provide a confidential telephone helpline offering emotional support to any individual on any issue. Their opening hours vary so you need to ring them for details.
Telephone: 01708 765200
E-mail: info@supportline.org.uk
Website: www.supportline.org.uk
Papyrus UK
Work with people under 35 who are having suicidal feelings. And with people who are worried about someone under 35. Their helpline is open 10am – 10pm in the week. And between 2pm and 10pm at weekends and bank holidays.
Telephone: 0800 068 41 41
Email: pat@papyrus-uk.org
Text: 07786 209697
Website: www.papyrus-uk.org
C.A.L.M. (Campaign Against Living Miserably)
They used to be aimed specifically at men. But they are now able to help anyone. Their helpline is open between 5pm and midnight every day of the year.
Telephone (outside London): 0800 58 58 58
Telephone (London): 0808 802 58 58
Webchat: www.thecalmzone.net/help/webchat/ (5pm – Midnight every day)
Website: www.thecalmzone.net
Silverline
Aimed at people over 55. Their helpline is open 24 hours a day, every day of the year.
Telephone: 0800 4 70 80 90
Website: www.thesilverline.org.uk
The Mix
Aimed at people under 25. Their helpline is open between 4pm and 11pm, 7 days a week. They also run a crisis text service which is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
Telephone: 0808 808 4994
E-mail: through the website.
Crisis text message service: Text THEMIX to 85258
Webchat: through the website. (4pm - 11pm, 7 days a week)
Website: www.themix.org.uk
Mood Swings
Aimed at anyone affected by a mood disorder, including friends, families and carers. Their helpline is open 10am to 4pm Monday to Friday.
Telephone: 0161 832 37 36
E-mail: info@moodswings.org.uk
Website: www.moodswings.org.uk
LOCAL ORGANISATIONS
(please comment to add your service)
